He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
