oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
