Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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