I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
