i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My vagina is officially offended.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
