You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
