I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
