remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
