Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
