you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
