Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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