I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
