The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
dude. I can hear the air.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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