Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
