Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
