my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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