There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
