Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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