If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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