every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
