I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
