The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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