If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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