She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
