A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
