I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
