worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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