And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
