Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
