did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
