My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
