And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
