sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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