I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
