i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
These tits shall not be calmed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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