So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
