The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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