How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
