We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
