So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
