I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
