The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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