I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
