??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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