have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
