I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
