how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I will be naked everywhere
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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