Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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