kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
