i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
