tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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