I love having hate sex.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
