she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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