here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
